Passing Out, My Fainting Spells

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{NO IMAGES ARE MY OWN.}

Today I fainted. It really screwed up my day. Can’t say I enjoyed it. I was sluggish at work and I didn’t really have a good evening either. I’ve fainted throughout my life at various episodes. A total of five episodes exist. I figured why not examine the first four episodes for fun at this point.

  1. 8th Grade: This was a truly magical year for me and my life. My love of history was supercharged by Mr. Andrew Zuck and I learned a lot about health from Mr. Ted Witzig. Mr. Witzig’s class was the first time I ever passed out in my life and all-in-all it came as a shocker to my 12 year old self. Where I learned CPR was a place where I almost needed it.

 

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Mr. Witzig was telling one of his classic stories that were educational and humorous. He was discussing a tale of a kid who was bit by a rabid dog. My twelve year old self couldn’t take the story. As “Timmy had to have a shot here, here, here, and here.” Mr. Witzig pointing to various areas of his body had me imagine the rabies treatments on my own body. This was certainly not conducive for my consciousness. My imagination got the best of me.

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I was only out for about four minutes. Mr. Witzig put my head in between my legs and soon I was back to normal although he had me stay after class for a few minutes so I could get my bearings. Little did I know that this would be the first time of a serious of faintings for me.

2. High School Chemistry Class (Junior Year): I was with Benito in the room when this happened. He claimed that he caught me. I doubt that highly. I remember being face down on the table in the classroom. What had happened was that Mrs. LaCroix, an incredible science teacher played a trick on us. Unfortunately, I did not realize this was a trick.

Mrs. LaCroix showed us a piece of paper she claimed was a new way that diabetics could check their blood sugar. This was a yellow piece of paper. I’ll never forget her putting her hand in some type of solution and smearing it across the paper. A red hand print was remaining. Then the lights went out for me.

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The school cop and an administrator wheeled me away to another wing of the school where I was in essence monitored. I then talked with the cop who mentioned to me that my color was coming back and I was looking much better. That cop and I would later forge something of a friendship later. In due time I then resumed my activities around the school after a half a day of zoning out. The third time fainting was certainly of interest.

3. The television (Same Year as 2): One of my best friends and I were happily enjoying a James Bond film during the winter break for my high school. Live & Let Die (1971). In the course of finishing a screening of Roger Moore’s debut as James Bond 007 I stood up to eject the disk like a good citizen. Apparently I got up way too fast. I ruined the television as my eyebrow made contact with the television’s screen. I remember asking if I was bleeding and my mother and my friend telling me I was. I was promptly driven away to the ER.

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The last thing I saw was Roger Moore as Commander Bond pointing this fearsome .44 Mag Model 29 snubnose at me. As it fired I seemed to have the lights come out and me hitting the tv twice.

 

Upon arrival I was quickly processed and stitched up. Seven stiches were required to close the massive hole in my brow. I would not faint again until nine years later.

4. Training Day: This was during a work project. I don’t want to say too much about it as it was a sensitive project in a classified area. However it involved beer and pancakes and no protein. I was learning a new job, needed food, and I was in a hurry to grab food and I ended up in this sorry state. Not a good move.

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Don’t just have carbs, ya dangus. Eats protrains too! For Your Health.

Thanks, Dr. Brule. I hope this was mildly entertaining.

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